The Discipline of Disappointment
Yesterday, my four-year-old came to me in tears. He was so distraught, it took a while for me to understand what had upset him so much. Then he finally said, "What if Santa doesn't bring me what I ask for? Last year I asked for a Zoomer Kitty, and he didn't get me one."
At first, my Mama-heart broke. This little guy had been struggling with this disappointment for over a year, questioning whether or not his Christmas wish would come true this year.
(Before I go on, let me clarify that he is very well taken care of and has anything and everything he could ever wish for, including a playroom full of very nice toys. He is not mistreated.)
I dried his tears, and spoke the words that my parents said to me countless times, "Just goes to show, you can't always get what you want." He looked at me, confused. I said, "Just because you ask Santa for something, it doesn't mean you're guaranteed to get it. But remember, Santa got you all sorts of nice toys last year. I'm sure whatever you get this year will be just as good."
Rewind back to last year, a week before Christmas. Santa's shopping had been done for a while. A certain little three-year-old boy climbed in Santa's lap after our church Christmas play and added a random item to his ever-growing Christmas list. That's right, he whispered the words, "Zoomer Kitty." Santa said, "We'll see what we can do." Santa had already taken the time to lovingly pick out Christmas gifts that would fit his unique little personality. He and his elves had compared prices between local stores and online sites. There was a lot of time and love put into selecting the perfect Christmas gifts for one little boy. Zoomer Kitty was not among those gifts.
Now, Santa could have rushed to Walmart the week before Christmas and found a Zoomer Kitty to add to the pile...but he didn't. He didn't because he knew that just because a certain little boy throws out a random request at the 11th hour, it doesn't mean he's going to get it.
The discipline of disappointment is not a popular theme in modern parenting. We try to shield our children from any and all letdowns, failures, and frustrations. We fear that it might damage the little person they are becoming, and we don't want the be the person they blame as an adult for causing all that damage. I would argue that we are doing our children a major disservice by not teaching them the discipline of disappointment.
What happens when a child is disappointed? They cry, they stomp their foot, and they might even scream in an attempt to get their way. But in the long run, they learn a valuable lesson, which is how to respond to disappointment the right way.
What happens when a child is never taught how to be disappointed? They become adults who cry, stomp their foot, and even scream in an attempt to get their way. In the long run, they never learn the valuable lesson of how to respond to disappointment the right way.
This year, Santa's job is to show a certain little boy that, even though he was disappointed last year, good things come to those who wait. A Zoomer Puppy is at the top of his list.
At first, my Mama-heart broke. This little guy had been struggling with this disappointment for over a year, questioning whether or not his Christmas wish would come true this year.
(Before I go on, let me clarify that he is very well taken care of and has anything and everything he could ever wish for, including a playroom full of very nice toys. He is not mistreated.)
I dried his tears, and spoke the words that my parents said to me countless times, "Just goes to show, you can't always get what you want." He looked at me, confused. I said, "Just because you ask Santa for something, it doesn't mean you're guaranteed to get it. But remember, Santa got you all sorts of nice toys last year. I'm sure whatever you get this year will be just as good."
Rewind back to last year, a week before Christmas. Santa's shopping had been done for a while. A certain little three-year-old boy climbed in Santa's lap after our church Christmas play and added a random item to his ever-growing Christmas list. That's right, he whispered the words, "Zoomer Kitty." Santa said, "We'll see what we can do." Santa had already taken the time to lovingly pick out Christmas gifts that would fit his unique little personality. He and his elves had compared prices between local stores and online sites. There was a lot of time and love put into selecting the perfect Christmas gifts for one little boy. Zoomer Kitty was not among those gifts.
Now, Santa could have rushed to Walmart the week before Christmas and found a Zoomer Kitty to add to the pile...but he didn't. He didn't because he knew that just because a certain little boy throws out a random request at the 11th hour, it doesn't mean he's going to get it.
The discipline of disappointment is not a popular theme in modern parenting. We try to shield our children from any and all letdowns, failures, and frustrations. We fear that it might damage the little person they are becoming, and we don't want the be the person they blame as an adult for causing all that damage. I would argue that we are doing our children a major disservice by not teaching them the discipline of disappointment.
What happens when a child is disappointed? They cry, they stomp their foot, and they might even scream in an attempt to get their way. But in the long run, they learn a valuable lesson, which is how to respond to disappointment the right way.
What happens when a child is never taught how to be disappointed? They become adults who cry, stomp their foot, and even scream in an attempt to get their way. In the long run, they never learn the valuable lesson of how to respond to disappointment the right way.
This year, Santa's job is to show a certain little boy that, even though he was disappointed last year, good things come to those who wait. A Zoomer Puppy is at the top of his list.
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